Week 7 Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

That is a quote from the movie Coach Carter that I recently read and it really speaks to me.

Your playing small does not serve the world.’ How true is that? It doesn’t serve me or anyone else.

‘There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you’. So many people, my old self included, live their lives doing this exact thing. Not for me any more. How can we help others or inspire our kids if we are worried about standing out of the crowd? So, at the risk of falling flat on my face I am putting my hand up to stand out. Putting my hand up to admit I have far reaching goals, to say that I am going to shine, in the hope it will give others the permission to do the same.

Offering my goals and dreams up for others to read helps in two main ways.

  1. It keeps me accountable because everyone knows what I set out to achieve, which means there is no quiet quitting or slinking away and
  2. It sends the message to others, and most importantly my kids, that it is ok to reach high; to admit that maybe your current life is not what you dream of, to stand out from the crowd and say I am going to aim higher and push myself beyond what I previously thought possible.

I have been challenged by the MKMMA course this week to put together 7 days without a negative thought. So whenever I catch myself thinking anything negative about anyone, the clock starts again. I started this challenge on Monday, today is Wednesday and I have just restarted yet again. I have lost count of how many restarts there have been but I am having a good laugh at myself along the way.

Before this exercise I would have said that I was a positive type person but it turns out I wasn’t. Most, if not 99%, of the negativity I have noticed is directed at one person. Sounds unfair, doesn’t it? It isn’t my hubby, not one of the kids, not even one of those drivers who drive so slow you want to get out of the car to give them a push. Nope.

My negativity is directed almost exclusively at myself. The one person who I am with 24/7, the one human whose inner most thoughts I am privileged to know and yet that is where I am directing negative thoughts.

So I asked myself today: If I am the best friend of my future self, (as I promised I would be) then what am I to my current self? Arch enemy perhaps?! Bully? Some of the comments that have popped into my head these past couple of days are more toxic than I would ever say to anyone, and yet I direct them at me.

So, this is my challenge. 7 days of being nice to everyone but especially to me. No snide remarks, no passive aggressive comments, no sarcasm, no putting down jokes, just love and understanding.

Sounds like I turned into a hippie! Maybe I have, but I will embrace happiness and kindness in whatever forms it shows itself.

Peace out J

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6 thoughts on “Week 7 Deepest Fear

  1. Hey Jen…seeing ‘the dirt’ can be such a blessing…..it’s only then ‘the cleaning’ could succeed. Celebrate, party, enjoy……and if you spot again some dirt….who cares! Just clean some more and have fun 🙂

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  2. Excellent Jen! I thought I was a positive person as you explain too. This is a chalenging experience and I love what you wrote “My negativity is directed almost exclusively at myself.” This is directly related to my self confidence. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Jen, I couldn’t agree more! The person I talk the worst to, the one I fill with negative thoughts is the one I love the most! Reading your blog tonight has inspired me to kick things into another gear and get this show on the road. I look forward to reading you more.

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